A Letter to the Ones I've Lost

    

I saw this post on an awesome blog called Serendipity and Creativity  that was a letter to some friends that she has grown apart from and after I read it I felt like it was something I wanted to do too. There are a few people that came to mind while reading hers and I thought I might try it as a way to let go. We have all had best friends, boyfriends, girlfriends or just people that we shared a piece of our lives with that are no longer ones we can count on or feel close and loved by. It's hard when you go about your life day by day and then one day just realize that you don't think of them as often as you used to and that they don't think of you either. It's heartbreaking and something that is never easy.

Dear Someone That I Used To Know,

      I miss you so much. I think about you often and I don't understand how this happened. I imagined you to be in my life forever and never saw the day coming that you wouldn't be. I respect you so much and respect your thoughts and see so much light in you. Even still. I don't think you realized how much I valued you and our friendship. I would have done anything for you, you only need ask.
     It is difficult to explain the amount you meant to me. I depended on you for the support and love that I would have given you as well. But it seems to me I was mistaken at the level of which you valued me. I feel a fool that I would ever put that much trust into a person because it is an easy way to break yourself. I am broken. You have hurt me in a way that I don't know can be repaired.
     I realize my mistakes as well with you. I could have made more efforts to accept you for who you were and not try to change you into the person I wanted you to be. I see now that I needed to just accept you for you and leave it at that instead of battling with you over who I thought you should be versus who you were. That is a struggle of mine. I think that I see what I perceive to be the best version of someone, and then disappoint myself when they don't live up to my preset standards. I should have learned to accept you for you, not for who I hoped you would become.
    It is hard for me, and maybe this is my own one sided mind speaking, but I can't see the point in trying to put new life into the scrap of a friendship that remains because I have felt more pain thinking about you then I want to admit. Maybe I am cowardly, but I know my limits. I wish I could push through that limit and forge ahead to make amends, but I just don't have the ability to. I feel as if I always put the first foot forward and now I am empty. My trust and reliance in you is broken. There is nothing else I can do. My one sided perspective is trying to convince me that I should just let go and forget because it keeps reminding me that if you really cared about me, you would show it. Wouldn't you?
     For right now, I am going to leave it be. Sometimes people change, I know I have. And though I guess I wouldn't know, I can guess you probably have too. I wanted to share my exciting parts of life with you, to call you and tell you about everything. I pictured telling new friends about you and how much I would love for them to meet you. How you were a friend that would make me laugh when I was sad and accept me for me. But the only version of you that they hear of is the one that I used to be familiar with because even I don't know the newest model of you. I wish I did but I don't. I want my new friends to love my old friend just as much as I did. But they never will.
     It goes both ways though. These recent friends know the newest and shiniest version of who I am but you only know the old one. I wanted you to be the person who knew the outdated me and the current me. I wanted you to know the me who I will become in a year. And the me that will develop ten years after that. But you won't. Even the friends I've just made can see my newest self is tainted by the memory of you and the hurt that comes with remembering our friendship.
     They tell me to forget about it and move on because "that's life". I am moving on but every little thing drags me right back to you and what you meant to me. You were my companion and supported me and let me be crazy and myself. You recognized qualities in me that I didn't even notice, and that in turn encouraged me to grow. You were amazing at being understanding when I needed you to and silly when you knew I needed that instead. And you are still wonderful and intelligent and I hope for the best in everything you do. Know that I miss you and haven't forgotten about you. But know that though I miss you, I can't hang on to you and keep ignoring the chasm that has developed between us. I can't hurt myself dwelling over why you don't want me in your life anymore, nor can I dwell on wondering if you ever really wanted my friendship at all. I've started to fear that I was the ignorant and naïve one who assumed we were on the same page with our friendship, and maybe I was. No more can I overanalyze what I must have done wrong to turn you away, because I think I understand my part in our loss of friendship and I am truly sorry. I hope that one day we can forget about this lapse of time where we didn't speak, but until then I will continue to try and move on and not think about the dwelling sadness covered up in the back of my mind trying to escape and flood over me again.

Sincerely,
Your old friend

What You Should Look For in a Significant Other

  

 

 

 I think that the most fulfilling feeling in the world is to know that you are loved deeply and unconditionally, by someone besides God and his unconditional love for you. And people spend endless amounts of time looking for that treasure shared between them and another person. The problem though is that sometimes we spend so much time concentrating and searching for that person to share our life with that we actually may be missing the opportunity to find them when we just relax. Instead of focusing on becoming who we are supposed to be and who we are meant to become, we focus on finding the right person. But I think that many times we don't find the right person until God or the universe or just fate decides we are ready. And if we don't focus on our own person and spend time developing who we are becoming then we will never be "ready" to meet that soul mate.
     It shouldn't be a rush to find the love of your life. It happens naturally and can't be forced. I am looking forward to so greatly to the man that I fall in love, and the exciting part is the wait. Who knows what will happen? Right now these are a list of the things I think are important when considering any guy as more than a friend:

1. Someone who challenges you. Nothing is more exciting than meeting a person who makes you think in new ways or excites you to attempt to adventures. Never go after someone who is stagnant and doesn't encourage personal growth.

2. Common values. For me, a shared passion for God is what I find important simply because my faith is in the forefront of my life and I want someone who can relate to me in that. But it can just be as simple sharing the same morals.

3. Common interests. I like to hike and explore or try new restaurants or activities and a guy who shares those interests is attractive to me. It ties in with the challenging aspect. I don't want someone who isn't interested in doing active and exciting things. It varies though, maybe having someone who absolutely loves reading is important, or cooking. Whatever excites you.

4. No one upping. Competition in relationships are fun but when it comes down to just trying to one up the other, that's when it gets bad. It isn't fun getting belittled in relationships instead of encouraged. Which leads us to...

5. Encouragement. One of the best feelings is the world when someone truly believes in you and hopes for you to succeed.

6. Being "ready". Lastly, it is definitely important that whoever you are talking to is on the same page as you with what is going on. Don't pursue something that the other person isn't looking for because believe me, it never works out. Ever. If they aren't ready then take that for face value.

Know that you don't need a relationship to define you, but when you do find yourself considering someone that they truly meet what you are looking for because it is better to wait than to settle.

10 Reasons to Love Fall

 

 

 

1. Everything smells amazing. Fresh baked pie, the musk of crunched leaves, cinnamon and vanilla, crisp autumn air....just yum.

 

2. The colors. Leaves turn all sorts of different shades of purple, red, orange, and yellow where I live at least and I can't get enough of how beautiful it is!

 

3. Honestly, the crisp air is even amazing. Ya sure, you gotta bundle up a little bit but after the sweltering heat of summer, having some cool air turn your cheeks pink kind of feels nice doesn't it?

 

4. Apple cider. Enough said.

 

5. Dark nail polish. I love me some Tiffany blue and hot pink, but I have definitely been anticipating deep burgundy, gold and plum hues.

 

6. Boots. I pretty much try to work boots into every fall outfit I own....is that bad?

 

7. Thanksgiving. The turkey, cranberry sauce, homemade gravy......excuse me while I wipe the drool off my face.

 

8. Hiking. Between the leaves changing and the fresh air, I vote that fall is the best time to go hiking. Everything is vibrant and eye-catching and the best bar is that the same hike during the summer looks incredibly different during autumn.

 

9. Fall break. Just when you start to get a little overwhelmed with exams and school, fall break appears to give us a well deserved rest.

 

10. Pie. Obviously. Like the little cat says in the picture (at least I think it's a cat), pie pretty much is enough of a reason by itself to love fall!

 

 



40 of Life's Simple Pleasures

Sometimes we miss the little joys of life that are right in front of our noses because we are too focused on finding the big ones.

1. Being under a snuggly blanket when it's chilly outside.

2. Getting complimented.

3. Sparkly nail polish.

4. Football season. Even if you don't love the sport, we can all appreciate the delicious food!

5. Sweet tea.

6. Holding hands with your significant other.

7. Paying forward random acts of kindness.

8. Ice-cream cones.

9. Disney movies. No matter your age, singing along with Ariel or Cinderella is a must.

10. Having a best friend.

11. Being thanked.

12. Having the door held open for you.

13. Warm grass under your feet.

14. First loves.

15. True loves.

16. Siblings. They can be a pain sometimes but that's the point right?

17. Singing your favorite song as loud as you can.

18. Taylor Swift

19. Freedom. We take this for granted but to have freedom is to have more than many in the world.

20. Car radios. Solo jam sessions on the way to work are the best.

21. Cherry pie. Obviously.

22. Jumping into a big pile of crunchy leaves during the fall.

23. Seat warmers. By January my bottom would be frozen without these guys.

24. People watching. This is the most fun (and possibly the creepiest) free activity you can find!

25. A clean house. I always breathe a sigh of satisfaction when I see everything picked up and put away.

26. A new book to read.

27. Blowing bubbles in the summer.

28. Flowers.

29. When a child reaches up to hold your hand.

30. Getting an A on your exam.

31. Or a B for that matter.

32. Riding bikes during the fall.

33. Hot tea to sip on during cold days.

34. Flannel. So cozy.

35. Uggs. I'm sorry but its true.

36. Pandora. Who doesn't love free music!?

37. Seeing someone after a long time apart.

38. Receiving snail mail. #Throwback.

39. Nice conversations with random strangers.

40. Cookie dough. yuuuummmmmmm.

Many of these little pleasures are ones we are lucky to experience. Always count your blessings and don't lose sight of the big picture in life while forging towards your end goals,

Fall Bucket List

I cannot believe it is already almost autumn! The only things I can think about right now are apple cider, changing colors, pumpkins and boots. I am just sooo excited. Besides just pumpkin spice lattes and yoga pants, their are tons of other things to look forward to in the coming weeks:

1. Carving pumpkins: Their is no age limit when it comes to spending an afternoon in the crisp air finding the perfect jack-o-lantern.

2. Making homemade pumpkin seeds: Their is nothing better than taking the seeds you scooped out of your freshly picked pumpkin and baking them with salt for crunchy delicious treat.

3. Haunted houses/Mazes: Dressing up in your warmest sweaters and heading out to a corn maze or old rickety house to spend your money on getting scared is a novelty of fall.

4. Boots: Is their anything more to be said? High heeled boots, riding boots, ankle boots? The options are endless!

5. Bonfires: Find all your friends, break out the s'mores makings and cuddle up with some blankets around a cozy fire to tell stories and maybe drink some hot chocolate.

6. Make homemade apple cider: nothing beats apple cider, especially when its made from scratch. Here is a awesome recipe to use.

7. Hike to see all the fall colors: Getting to spend your whole day in the brisk autumn air and see the leaves change from green to purple, orange and yellow sounds like the most amazing way to experience fall.

8. Ride your bike.

9. Decorate your dorm room, house, or apartment: A little festivity never hurt anyone and its always fun to spend some extra time making your space look and smell like all the wonderful parts of autumn.

10. Layer up: Fashion in the colder months is so much more creative and adorable than the warmer because of the endless possibilities. Layering necklaces, jackets, cardigans and scarves leaves endless possibilities

11. Participate in your towns thanksgiving 5k: Races like the Turkey Trot are fun, easy going races that give an excuse to have fun with friends while exercising in preparation for stuffing ourselves later in the day. A bonus is that most of the time the profits raised go towards a good cause too.

12. Spend some time reflecting on what you are grateful for this season. Not many people have the privilege to carve pumpkins or go to a haunted maze this fall.

13. Go on a hayride with your hubby or best friends.

14. Find some fall dorm inspiration on Pinterest so that your hall will be talk of the entire campus.

15. Make your own Halloween costumes. Inside of buying one, take advantage of the cold weather and snuggle up inside to create your own masterpiece.

16. Go to a football game or two and get caught up in the excitement of being a part of something.

17. Light a nice candle: Yankee and Bath and Body Works candles are the bomb and are well worth the money.

18. Take a warm bath: Fill a tub with some Epsom salts, put on some music, and relaaaxxx...

19. Bake sugar cookies in the shapes of pumpkins, leaves, and ghosts: Bring out your inner child again and enjoy the process of baking, decorating, and devouring sweet treats.

20. Have a movie marathon: Halloweentown and Hocus Pocus are classics.

Check out this amazing fall bucket list that I cannot wait to try out!

I hope everyone has an amazing autumn season and takes advantage of all the festivities it has to offer! Thanks, xoxo


Picture Link

Online Journal Entry #3

  

      Right now I am sitting in a little area inside an academic building on my university campus. It has a spacious feeling with couches and tables along with a little coffee bar so that I can sip a dirty chai and work on homework simultaneously. Is very conducive for studying and relaxing. But even with all of this scholarly atmosphere, I am still having a hard time focusing on my 4 page essay due today (I am only a paragraph in btw) because I really need to write a blog post right now more than I need to write an essay on my opinion on plagiarism. Hence this third online journal entry. My first and second are also on my blog as well.
     Going to college was the crazy transition I talked about in my personal experience with change on I believe my second online entry. So far I don't think I have gained any of my freshman 15 yet which is a relief because the food here is so delicious. But a lot of it is super healthy too, I had a quinoa stuffed Portobello mushroom for dinner the other night which was amazing and there is always fruit and salad available. I have met quite a few people that are already good friends that I probably spend a good seventy-five percent of my time with. Just last weekend I went on an accidental 10 mile hike with them because we lost track of time exploring and having a blast. I have been cherishing these first few weeks here and have discovered myself a little better too but know that I have plenty of room to grow in the next few years as well.
     There have been a couple things I have experienced that I didn't expect already this year. One is that people are still catty. With a few people I already know and through some random run-ins I have come to realize that immaturity and the incessant need to put others down still continues after high school, which I guess I knew would happen but hoped otherwise. It stinks that I still have to deal with other girls and guys who only want to be mean and rude. Another one that is more humorous than actually unfortunate, is that it rains a ton here which I guess is not terrible in and of itself. Mostly the problem is just that I never have enough forethought to cover my suede bike seat with something so that I don't soak my butt on my ride to class. I look like I wet my pants at least once a week. I just invested in an umbrella too yet keep forgetting to use it. It's been rough without the dry assurance my car roof used to provide. But it's okay cause I have seen a lot of people who've "wet their pants" around campus too. I am such a whiner.
     But to end on a happy note, I have plenty of amazing things about college thus far as well! One is the insane amount of fun and excitement intramural sports provide. I have never played volleyball on a real team but my friends and I started one and have games every week in a mini league. It has been a total blast. No one cares if I am not some star player because the environment is so relaxed and inviting. Also, the biking routes are fantastic. It is so simple to find my way around campus and I never have to worry about getting nailed by a car because there is always a generous bike lane provided. Lastly, the faculty that I have personally encountered have been more than generous with their time and resources in order to make sure I will succeed my first semester of college. I haven't experienced the "mean professor" stereotype yet that have horror stories modeled after them.
     So far overall, being here at my university has been a fulfilling and wonderful experience and I am highly anticipating what the next few years will bring!
      Okay, I should probably actually do my homework now but I hope this post brightened someone's day and I am always looking for comments and suggestions if you have any!
Thankyou:)
Katy

Things I've Learned So Far in College

It's only been a week and I already feel so much wiser :) Here is my list of funny/serious things I have learned thus far in college:

1. Staying up till 3am when you have a class at 8am is a poor poor choice.
2. Spending the night in another dorm when you have class at 8am is also a poor choice.
3. Not all coffee shops are equal on campus.
4. The worst place to study is your dorm room.
5. Its good to have a snack drawer in your room for when you get hungry but can't make it to the cafeteria for food.
6. It is better to be overly sociable than not social enough.
7. U-locks are way better that the cord bike locks.
8. Pack enough clothes so that you only have to do laundry every two weeks.
9. Shower flip flops are a must unless you're shooting for a foot fungus.
10. Don't slam your dorm room door unless you really want to piss everyone off.
11. Hand soap is just as good as dish soap when it comes to cleaning out water bottles in community bathrooms.
12. Have a velcro strip on your towel (or buy one pre-made) so you can have two free hands on your walk to and from the showers.
13. Join as many clubs or activities as possible to see what you enjoy. This is crucial to "finding yourself" in college and you can always just quit if you don't like what you joined.
14. Ask the kid eating alone to sit with you, they may just turn into your best friend.
15. Bribe your hallmates into becoming your friends by inviting them to watch movies or paint nails with you. You're never gonna make friends sitting alone in your room
16. Stay clean for your roommate. It will prevent a lot of fights and ill feelings towards one another.
17. Never walk in the dark on campus without a buddy. There are tons of creeps out there.
18. Always have pepper spray.
19. The "freshman 15" is avoidable as long as you exercise some self control and just exercise period.
20. Never turn down a free coupon book. seriously.
21. Or free food. ever.