Boys Boys Boys

  

  Relationships are interesting. They can be the most amazing thing in the whole world, or they can go south and drag you down and crush your spirit. Relationships as a young person especially are a whole different bundle of crazy. Adults still have whirlwind relationships as well, but as teenagers, its so new and fresh that every moment and feeling seems a little more amplified than I imagine a well cultured adult feels with their younger days of dating behind them. All of the firsts occur when we are young: first kiss, first date, first heartbreak. Everything is a milestone in our lives at this age. Even if you are past your first whatever's, being young means we are still experimenting and finding out what exactly we want in a relationship. As girls, our first priority at this age is do we want a tall boy, short boy, skinny boy, a buff one, an athlete, a guy who can think, an artist, one who can sing or dance, or do we even know what exactly it is that we want besides just a boy period? But the thing is is that all of these guys we date will show us what we want in our end Prince Charming. Some people get lucky and find their perfect guy/girl right off the bat. Others though aren't so lucky, and we have to go through a heck of a lot of chick flicks and ice-cream before we do, me included (only I definitely used pudding to fix my heart instead of ice-cream:) ).
     My freshman year of high school I did cross country for my fall sport. There was this guy who as a sophomore was running only to get in shape for wrestling (which he was amazing at by the way). He was super shy and we didn't talk too much, nor did I try to talk to him either because I thought that he was way out of my league. We finally started to talk here and there which eventually turned into us dating about three quarters of the way into that year! He was by far the most amazing guy I have ever met, even still today (which is three years later). He had incredible morale, was hilarious to talk to, was extremely athletic (not to mention super buff), was brilliant (in fact he is going to Colorado School of Mines for engineering right now), friends with a ton of people, and nice to everyone. He honestly was wonderful. But the thing that brought us down was that we both had jealousy issues as well as a fair amount of insecurities. We fought quite often and especially towards the end of our relationship. We both trusted each other but at the same time our own insecurities caused us to pick fights about either him talking to another girl or me talking to guys that were friends. It was really bad. We were (and still are) so young and inexperienced in "dating" that I think we became to serious for us to handle. Not that we realized it then. We ended up breaking it off for a different reason at the end of my junior year (end of his senior year, and I did the breaking up by the way). If we had tackled our jealousy issues before it got out of hand, we both could have been much happier. I definitely went through heart break, even though I was the "bad guy" and dumped him. It was hard, I had never experienced a pain so great and I ended up getting depressed, but that's another story! I am okay now and so much happier. It was the worst probably for the first three months. That's a lot of time to be absolutely miserable, I know, but I couldn't move on so fast because I knew what I had let myself loose.
     What I did to feel better about him is I definitely hung out with friends a ton. I don't think my friends have ever really seen me cry, and when I'd just burst into tears, it definitely freaked the boys out! oh well :) They were all so sweet and supportive. I just bawled whenever I was sad, I didn't try to hold it back and fake like I was fine, because in the end I knew I wasn't and you cant get over someone without allowing yourself to feel what you really feel. I definitely didn't get with any guys either and try to replace my him immediately. By doing that I would have just pushed off my sadness and had to deal with it later anyhow, so I decided to just get it over with now. I also watched movies and did all of the typical things you should do when going through a break up! It definitely works, I promise:)
     It has been about five months since we broke up and I feel like I am finally finding myself again. I still think about him every day and do a little prayer that he finds what he is looking for in life and I hope he is happy. And who knows, maybe one day we will meet again. I gave him three years of my high school life and he definitely impacted them and helped me become who I am right now at the ripe old age of 18. He inspired me to work my hardest by seeing his success in school and in wrestling which paid off from his diligence and perseverance, I wanted to be just like him. I wanted to work that hard so that I could get closer to my dreams too. He showed me that I really was beautiful. As a girl, I don't know who doesn't have at least a little bit of confidence issues. He made my "errors" seem so perfect when I was around him. He lifted me up and encouraged me to be the best I could be and he always saw me as better than I was. He set the standard for every other guy I will meet and date. I will not settle for anyone less than he was, because he showed me what a good guy could be like, and to find that unique of a person in a high school relationship is pretty rare. He also got me closer to finding what I want in my end guy by displaying attributes that I hope to find in someone else and also ones I might want differently in the next guy. It was a gift to find him so early on because he changed me for the better.
      Know that it does get better. If you have experienced a breakup and it feels like the pain will never end, it does. And it takes a long time to establish yourself as "you" singular, not "you" plural with whoever it was you were dating. It is still strange for me to not to get any more goodnight texts, or random calls. And its certainly weird to not have a date planned every Friday night anymore. Believe me though, it gets so much easier, it still hurts a little for me sometimes, but it hurts a lot less than it did one month ago. It will for you too.
      Lastly, just because this is our time to experiment and find out what we want, it doesn't mean you should settle for less than you deserve. Don't let a guy (or girl) run all over you and think that it's okay. You deserve one who respects you and lifts you up. Simply because your relationship is "just for fun" or "not too serious" doesn't give a anyone the right to push you down. I know friends that let that happen to them and it isn't right. Everyone, guys and girls, deserve a person who makes them shine. Never settle.